Wednesday, March 23, 2016

National Puppy Day: An open letter to my best friend. "The day I lost you."

My Kerena,

I still remember seeing your beautiful self for the first time behind the chain-link gate. You're rambunctious personality drew me to you. When they brought you to the "meeting" area, you showered me with gentle love and kisses. You made me feel like an invincible little girl. You and me Kerena

After we adopted you, I went home and built your dog house. I was so proud of it and seeing you sleep soundly inside made me smile so bright. Having you made my life peaceful. As we grew together, you taught me so much. Bravery, love, compassion, patience, and how to just be myself. You always made an effort to cheer me up, even if you yourself were tired and hungry. You always chose to cuddle me, instead of eat your food I had just put in the bowl, when I was sad. You loved to dance and hug. Some were annoyed by the "jumping" on them, but not me. I adored your love and all it's many forms. I never felt weird, out of place, ignored, or unwanted. You never let me down.

You were always up for a run around the block and you knew our path so well, that when you "ran away", you ended up just walking the same path we took. You came home happily and I could feel your excitement. You HATED water. Bath time you could handle to an extent, but you'd rather be dry and relaxing. You were never fond of anything or anyone coming remotely close to the house. You even had distinct barks for visitors, compared to the "YOU'RE HOME" bark/howl my father and I were greeted with every day. You made me so proud. You were the best dog I could have ever asked for. 

I miss you.

I miss all your fur that changed my blue sheets to black. I miss feeling safe with you around. I miss your smile and kisses. I miss your smell and hugs. I miss dancing with you and feeding you the ham bone on Easter. Oh how you loved that bone. I miss giving you presents to open every Christmas. I miss playing with you and and tucking you in with your favorite blanket. I miss the way you would try to howl when I "practiced" talking to you. I miss how happy you were to watch me swim from a distance, as to not get wet yourself. I miss how you would sleep so quietly. I miss your free spirit and how adventurous you were. I miss how confused you'd look when you saw my hamster or turtles. Almost as to say, "How am I supposed to play with that?!" I miss how warm you were next to me during those cold stormy nights. I miss how the only cat you could tolerate was Mason. Trust me, he was more terrified of you, but I think in some weird way, you both had an understanding. I miss how you would defend my father and I, even if it was just from a bird. I miss how during our walks, you would try to "hunt" in the bushes for tiny animals. I was always afraid you'd find one, but you weren't. I miss how gentle and kind you were. I miss how strong we were together. 

I remember the night I lost you vividly. I had just gotten home from school and it was just you and me. My father was away at business and I had you all to myself. Oh the excitement pulsating through my body. I fed you, walked you, played with you, and started to relax with you. Then you made the blood curdling moan at 3am that will forever haunt me. You were clearly telling me that something was wrong. I didn't know if you had eaten too quickly, had gas, or what. I brought you into my room to comfort you. I didn't know what to do, but I knew that I wasn't going to sleep. I was going to take you to the vet 7am sharp. After a little bit of time, you laid down next to me and stopped moaning. You looked at me exhausted and fell asleep, kissing me as to say, "It's ok." Maybe I was just so tired and not thinking straight, but I fell asleep next to you at 4am. Roughly thirty minutes passed and I awoke with a jolt. I wanted to continue watching you and the time. I rolled over to watch you, but it was too late. You were gone. 

I don't know if I was just too naive, as I should've tried to get you to a hospital some way. I don't know if I could have done anything, but it didn't matter. You were gone. You were no longer of sound, body, nor mind. You looked just as you did the first night you slept in your dog house. That was the moment I could physically feel my heart shatter. The moment I knew what it was like to lose someone so deeply loved and treasured. Someone I respected, honored, adored, and cherished. To some you were a dog, but to me you were my everything. My dance partner, my pillow and blanket. My best friend.

I wept and mourned for years and to be quite honest, I still do. You were my family and I never imagined losing you. I knew some day it would come, but I figured I had a good couple of years left. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

As I've gotten older, I've never stopped talking to you. I imagine you running around the clouds, dancing with Frank Sinatra. Our favorite. I can see you chewing all the ham bones you could possibly imagine, with zero baths in your future. I hope you have a favorite blanket up there and I pray that the angels tuck you in just right. For I know that when you watch over me, you will forever remain the way I remember you most. Peaceful. 

Looking forward to hugging you again someday,
Your best friend.

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