Monday, April 4, 2016

Funny story: My (ex) boyfriend RUINED my birthday.

In a few short days my birthday will make it's yearly appearance to remind me that I am indeed getting older. I don't tend to get upset about the age increase, as I see it as another year closer to becoming a wise old lady. One thing I tend to do by myself as my birthday nears closer, is think about how much I've grown, how I've made it through years of stupid rebellion, and past birthday memories. As I started to think about a few great parties with family or how awesome it was when I got a dog for my birthday, I started to hysterically laugh at one particular birthday and all it's disastrous events. Since I'm more of a "lifestyle" blogger (honestly, I feel like I'm an everything blogger), I thought I'd share a really messed up story about a life moment I had to endure.

Found HERE.
On my 19th birthday, my friend decided to have a little get together at her house with a few of our mutual friends. At this time I was dating a guy I knew from work and invited him as well. I'll have you all know, we had only been dating for about a month at this point, so we were still very casual about the whole thing. You know, not in the serious stage yet. Well, as the party got going I had received a text from my boyfriend, Julio we will call him, that he was going to be a few hours late. I didn't mind as we were already getting into drinking games (I absolutely do NOT recommend every drinking at a young age, especially before it's legal. Seriously, it led to me making terrible decisions in my life and I wish I had never touched the stuff. But that's for another story) and was having a lot of fun with my friends. At this time it was around 10pm -ish. We were telling stupid stories, playing beer pong, listening to music...the casual stuff. Around midnight or so, we were all getting closer to that "stupid drunk" stage, so everyone decided to relax on the alcohol and just hang out. It was totally awesome and I felt like it was going to end on a good note. Boy was I wrong. 

A few moments later, Julio walks in with his friends and announces he's here. Already I could tell he had a couple drinks and was a bit embarrassed by his "need" to showboat. Not cool dude. He comes and sits down next to me, realizing everyone wasn't quite ready to hit the drinks again (we weren't early birds, I'll just say that), but he was upset because I had a bit more to drink than he had, yet I wasn't as drunk as him. (I am not happy about being a heavy weight. I'm merely mentioning this, because it is vital to the story) He proceeded to literally CHUG half the Vodka bottle to "catch up" and "prove he wasn't a light weight and could keep up". My friends saw I was uncomfortable and asked if I wanted him removed. I told them it's cool, let's just do our own thing and he will probably end up passed out in a few minutes. The girl's house that we were at, Aileen, didn't care. She herself had pulled this move at my house a few times and we had an understanding and talked about this type of thing before hand, that way no one felt like they would be imposing. 

The entire group decided to play more rounds of drinking games, including king's cup, beer pong, and flip cup. We also had decided to turn on the black light, grab a few highlighters, and start signing my white shirt as a "birthday card". While everyone was in the middle of flip cup, Julio walks over to me and see's my friends "Happy Birthday" wishes on me, from guys and girls. Well he decided to try and play Mr. Macho Man, scream at everyone, and try to fist fight my friends! I was absolutely livid. I couldn't believe this freaking idiot is trying to start a childish, immature, ruckus for absolutely no reason, other than he can't handle alcohol. 

Found HERE.
At this point, I decided to try getting him to the bedroom so he could go to sleep and we could all continue with our fun. Nope. He went outside in the front yard (mind you, the house is on a hill), took off his shirt, and yelled like he was at a screamo festival. Want to know how kharma repayed him for waking up the neighbors? He ended up falling and rolling down the entire hill. At the bottom, he got up, walked extremely wobbly as if nothing had happened, and got back inside the house. I grabbed him by the arms, threw him into the bedroom, and told him to be quiet and go to sleep on the guest couch. I let him know that after I was done with the party, I would sleep next to him, and everything was ok. (It wasn't going to be ok, I just didn't feel like talking to an angry brick wall. I wasn't scared for my safety, I was just pissed at him.) He plopped over onto the couch and was out cold. 

I went back out into the living room where Aileen pulled me aside and told me that apparently before Julio's little tyrant, he threw up ALL OVER the bathroom. I mean there was vomit EVERYWHERE! I was so livid. I apologized and when she told me no one else had seen it, I told her to have everyone use the second bathroom while I locked myself it and cleaned up the graphic evidence. How this idiot got vomit on the high ceiling corners, I'll never understand. Disgusting. 

Eventually I got it all cleaned up, but by that time everyone had pretty much finished off the alcohol and was ready to call their rides or pass out. We set up a giant "sleep over friendly" area in the living room, filled with pillows and blankets, so no one would put themselves in danger. 

After everyone started to pass out, Aileen and I were outside cleaning up a little and talking. I told her how Julio fell down the hill (he was covered in scrapes by the way) and how I put him to bed on the guest bed in her room. (She had a huge room with two beds.) We were just grateful he actually went to sleep and didn't cause more trouble. 

Found HERE.
After a few cans and bottles were cleaned, the tables were wiped down, and trash was picked up from outside, Aileen and I decided to head into the kitchen. We realized we never got into the cake that we made. Being sweet eaters, we went in for a bite. When we opened the fridge, the cake was completely smashed and ruined, as if a 2 year old had gotten their hands on it and decided it was Play Doh. Seeing as how everyone was pretty much outside and no one had returned with cake evidence, we figured it was Julio and that the cake is probably what created the "bathroom incident" so serious. 

Aileen and I knew that once he was awake, he was no longer going to be apart of my life. Seriously, I've dated you for a month and you've tried to fight my friends, get cocky, threw up all over my friends bathroom, AND destroyed my cake?! No thanks. After we both calmed down, we were just too exhausted to really care that much at the time. So we decided to head to bed. I can't tell you how exciting that sounded to me. I wanted that day to just be over!

I walked into the bedroom to find Julio pretty much naked (he had on his boxers only) laying on the edge of the guest bed (it was against a wall). Unfortunately I had to crawl over him to lay on the other side. (Aileen is a kicker. I'm SO not sleeping next to her.)

Fast forward to 6am. Julio's phone is ringing NON-STOP. I tried to wake him up by shaking him to absolutely no avail. Aileen was passed out and apparently undisturbed by the noise. I finally picked up the phone and saw that it was his boss (I had already stopped working there when we started dating). "This little shit probably has work! Idiot." I reach over to silence his phone and let the call go to voicemail, only to be greeted with a soaked pile of pee. 

Now, I huddle up to one side. That's how I sleep. Which is why I never felt anything during the night. Once I rolled over, I felt it EVERYWHERE. Not only did he pee all over the sheets and mattress, it was DRIPPING off the side of the bed onto the floor! Freaking crap dude! How much pee did you have inside you! It was like a water bed had exploded!

I was so disgusted and crawled out from the end of the bed to grab towels. After about 6 or 7 more calls, the boss FINALLY leaves a voicemail. I return with towels and while I'm trying to soak up the disgustingness, I check the voicemail only to find a very angry lady, screaming about how Julio was supposed to open the store at 5am, but when she got there, the customers were outside waiting, upset with no sign of him. Also, she wanted him to know that he would be having a very interesting conversation with the store owner.

I decided to start violently shaking Julio telling him that he's late for work. Like a light switch, he wakes up with a jolt covered in urine. Now that I'm actually awake, the aroma is starting to overwhelm me. Julio starts screaming "oh shit", clearly still drunk. He tries to stand up abruptly, only to fall backwards into Aileen's window, shattering it with his body. At this point Aileen is scared awake and the people in the living room were too. Julio gets up covered in the scratches from the falling down the hill and glass from his drunken awakening, confused and rambling. People are rushing into the room, afraid something serious had happened, and Aileen was screaming at him to get the BLEEP out! Oh, and by the way, Julio is still in his boxer's and nothing else. 

Found HERE.
A few friends of mine had to go outside to help Julio back inside to get his clothes on, gather his stuff, and call a taxi. Aileen had all his stuff in her hands, threw it at him, and threw a yellow pages by his feet. Needless to say, she had had enough. I don't blame her at all.

Maybe the cold air was helping Julio to sober up, because he started to act like every bone in his body had been broken. I think his stupidity was finally catching up with him and the alcohol was no longer numbing the pain. He apologized, said he'd pay for the window, got dressed, left his phone number, and went outside with the yellow pages. We could all see from the door that he was sitting on the curb calling someone.

Aileen closed the door and said, "You know he peed all over my bed and floor? It smells like a urinal in there!" I let her know that I was made aware moments before Julio broke the window and was claiming full responsibility. 

One by one, our friends said their goodbyes and headed home. Every time I opened the door to wish them safe travels, I saw Julio sitting on the curb. It wasn't for about 45 minutes or so that he was finally gone. I stayed of course and helped clean up the entire house. Aileen just wanted to go back to sleep. She herself didn't seem to sober. I finished the last bit of picking up, cleaned up the bed and floor with heavy carpet cleaner (bleach on the bed), did the dishes, started a load of laundry for the sheets, taped a few plastic trash bags over the window, took a quick shower, and left Aileen a note saying I was going home. I told her what I had done and for her to call me if she needed anything else. I ended the note with a sincere apology, got a taxi, and went home. 

Found HERE.
A few days went by and I had heard the Julio went over to pay for a new window at Aileen's place. Apparently he had gone to the hospital after he left the day after the party (broken arm, sprained ankle, and bunch of scratches and bruises), got fired from his job, and ended up having to move in with his parents after his roommates kicked him out for not having the rent. When I had gone home the day after the disaster, I texted Julio it was over, blocked his number, and went on with my life. I felt bad the guy, but he had his consequences coming. 

I can't tell you how happy I am that my days of drinking are over and that I don't have to deal with guys like that ever again. It was a pretty crappy birthday (minus the beginning), but now that I'm older it's really funny. I'm not glad that all those things happened, especially to my friends house, but I'm glad I got the experience to learn from. I gotta say, that was definitely thee worst birthday I've ever had. 

 What's your worst birthday story?

1 comment:

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    ...chances are he still feels something is missing.

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