Tuesday, July 26, 2016

I Tried 3 Dating Apps and I'm Still Single.

I've been single for almost 6 years now and I can honestly say that while most of it has been beneficial to my "self discovery" journey - I got completely sober from alcohol when I got pregnant which led me to realize who I really am - I have had moments of loneliness. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a single mom to my little Padawan, but I do miss having an adult to talk to and watch Netflix with. Seeing as how everything is done online these days, I decided to venture into the online world of dating. 

Now, I'm not the most enthusiastic when it comes to dating online. Too many variables that can go wrong and too much anxiety to deal with. But despite my better judgment, I thought I'd give it a whirl. To be perfectly clear though, I already chose a place to meet potentials in case it actually got that far. The place? A busy restaurant, during the day, where there is valet parking, and ton's of people around every corner. 

Found HERE
I'm not going to mention the 3 apps I tried, because they are not up for debate today. Let's just say they are popular, well-known, sites that were 100% free. Sorry, I'd rather pay for a pizza then pay for a dating website. After using these apps for exactly 1 week, I'm happy to announce I'm still single. That's right I said H-A-P-P-Y!!! Oh, you want to know why I'm so freaking glad that it didn't turn out well for me? Sure, let's break it all down. 

After experiencing awkward opening lines, painfully straight-forward men, and a few rude remarks, I realized that I am absolutely stoked that I don't have to deal with ANY of them as partners. I get to eat the chocolate of my choosing on Valentine's day, I don't have to worry about buying any of them Christmas presents, and I can be in my Spongebob pajama's all day with psycho hair and no makeup on, if I want to. 

To give you guys further explanation on why this single momma is still single, here's a list I've compiled for you all, based on what happened to me. Warning, it all happened. Yay. 

1. I'm not a hookup.
2. I don't want to meet your entire family for the first date. 
3. Some vegans can be VERY mean if you eat meat.
4. I don't feel like watching documentaries about fish - Nemo will do.
5. Apparently shopping at thrift stores is shunned upon. 
6. Oysters and I don't mix, especially in an eating contest.
7. Bathroom pics came WAY to frequently with WAY too few clothes.
8. My love for Star Wars is not up for debate.
9. No, I won't go to Bora Bora with you this weekend. 
10. I think I'll keep my Social Security Number, thanks.
11. Animals are adorable, you ARE NOT.
12. I'm down for silliness, but if you're dressed as a baby...for your office party...yea...
13. If you can't smile, I can't hang with you.
14. No I'm not sure what my tattoos will be like when I'm 90 and no I don't care.
15. I really don't want to see your dermatologist cut off your wart tomorrow. 
16. No I don't think abortion is "good enough" birth control...ass.
17. Sorry string bikini's and I don't mix EVER.
18. I am not a therapist. 
19. If you can't go to Disneyland, we are SO not meeting up.
20. My parenting is not for anyone else to decide.
21. No I don't think my place is in the kitchen. 
22. Yes I love to eat food and no I won't go on a diet. 
23. I'm all down for exercise, but ONLY hanging out at the gym isn't my idea of "fun".
24. Yes I fart.
25. I'm not going to join anyone's "swing party".
26. I have never met a celebrity....sorry?
27. Why yes, I DO play toys still...HELLO?! Does the word MOM meaning anything?!
28. No I don't want you - or anyone - to be my son's dad.
29. Umm...I don't like foot rubs, let alone soaking them in pudding and rubbing them on you.
30. I don't think video games are only for men....

Found on Pinterest
And there you have it. Real life scenarios I had to deal with while using these apps. Granted they weren't all horrendous men. Some were looking for friendships, some never answered, and some were just....boring. I do think that there is probably gentlemen all over those dating sites, but I was unfortunate enough to not deal with any of them. 

I have to say, I'm not terribly disappointed coming out of this ordeal single. Like I mentioned before, there are MANY reasons why the single life is a good life. A few more would be, I don't have to share my midnight pizza, I don't have to "discuss" what to watch on Netflix, and I don't have to worry about sharing the bed with anyone other than a tiny little munchkin. Although, my son does take up just as much space...

I'm not "anti-relationships", I'm just happy with what I have right now. I know - or at least I think - that someday I'll find someone worth the sacrifices, but at this moment in my life, I'm perfectly content with how my love life is going. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make some chocolate milk, watch a few episodes of "Murder She Wrote", and spread out on the couch in comfort!

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