Wednesday, March 1, 2017

I Spent The Whole Afternoon, Childless!!! Here's What Happened.

In case you aren't aware, this is a huge deal for me. While I've been without my little padawan for a few hours before - only to be watched by Grammy and Grampy - but I have never dropped my little guy off anywhere and just walked away to do...nothing. That changed today. 

We are a homeschool family. Many circumstances and blessings have come into our lives, to make that entirely possible. We are extremely lucky to even have the opportunity...but this mother needed a break. Luckily for us, my son adores school and since his school is a charter school, they offer a few classes for the kiddos to [voluntarily] partake in if they so choose to. After a little discussion, my son was intrigued [wonder where he got that from] by school in general. So we signed him up to take some classes every Wednesday, for a little over 4 hours (lunch included). 

Today was his very first day doing a full day of classes. I myself was a little freaked out, but I didn't want to show that to him, because I knew it would mean that he'd be reluctant to do it - I'm trying guys ok. Without any hesitation though, he jumped right into his classroom and practically forgot I existed. 

Upon seeing that he was highly capable of doing his own thing and being in a safe environment I truly do feel comfortable with (seriously the staff at his school is beyond amazing), I waltzed out of the front doors with a smile on my face. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my bugger to death and spending time with him is amazing to me, but I needed some sanity. I needed to time to do absolutely freaking nothing. I needed mommy time during sunlight hours. Yes my mother does babysit for me - thank GOD - during the daytime and during my church classes on Tuesday's, but that's always to go do something. I needed time to just be with myself, doing human things, and enjoying life without any care in the world. I knew when he'd be done and I knew he was learning. Perhaps it isn't entirely different than having a family member babysit him, but to me it is. 

You see, when you have a family member babysit - at least for me - I always worry. Not because I don't think they are responsible - trust me, they are - but because I don't want him to give them a hard time. My padawan is a really sweet kid, don't get me wrong, but without consistent entertainment or learning time, he can be a little rambunctious and wild. So I often worry if he's driving the family cuckoo. 

At school, he's around other kiddos and is being challenged all day. That's something he excels at, so while he's there, I have zero worries. Well, I have the normal ones, but a lot less than average. 

Being that I had practically the entire afternoon free, I got a few things done (shower, dishes, laundry) and then set out to Balboa Park for a nice afternoon stroll. Holy crap, it was like a whole new world (cue Aladdin song). 

I walked around without anyone asking me questions about every little thing. I strolled through all the areas I specifically wanted to look at. I stopped and stared at a butterfly for a good 20 minutes - pretty sure people thought I was crazy. I even ate a sandwich, without having to play iSpy or entertain a 5 year old. 

Again, my son is my entire world, but holy guacamole. I didn't realize how much I went through daily. 

Every day I am at the beck and call of my padawan. Every conversation I have, he's included. Every thing I do, he's questioning why. I love him, but man was I loosing it. 

I truly think that every single parent needs one of these moments. Regardless how you get it. Perhaps you do already and I'm just the crazy mom, but let me tell you. I have an entirely new lease on life. 

I've come to the conclusion that while children are truly gifts from God (personal opinion, not shoving anything down anyone's throat, point is kids are awesome), mommy can't be a good mommy if she's not able to take a true break. 

Giving yourself time to reflect on every situation in life, allows you to breathe clearly and think without any sort of pressure. You can quietly reflect on anything going on, allowing your perception to better, and ultimately ending in a better outcome than if you had done it with stress on your mind. 

You know that old saying, "don't make decisions when you're mad"? Same goes here. Don't make decisions when you're clouded with constant human interaction. Yes of course you could do your pondering at night, but (at least for me) if you do it in peace, during the day, with a sandwich, things become a whole lot easier to deal with. 

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